Newton got it right !! Third time lucky !!

                           

                               In my childhood, i happened to come  across many proverbial sayings , either in books or through  elders' thoughts.I didn't understand the purpose of these proverbs. I just took satisfaction in the fact that i knew them by heart when asked. I understood their meaning but not really in the sense to apply or follow them in my life.  I didn't need to . Thank God for that ! :P

                              But now, at the age of 27 , I wish i could go back to that phase of my life , where i really didn't understand these sayings and live my life according to my wish. Even if i decide to abide by any of these proverbs or sayings, what makes it more confusing is the inability to decide which one i should go by. For each proverbial verse that suggests an action, there is a proverb which suggests an action exactly opposite. Seriously ?  Even proverbs seems to follow Newton's rule.

                              Do i persevere or let go ?  Do i have to be hasty or hesitate a lot ? Should i change for the society or be the way i am ? should i pursue my desires or be happy with what i have ?  do i judge people or not ?  should it be a team work or not ?

                               Confusing ,ain't it ? if i decide based on the situation , i can never know if its the right one , until i act upon it and face the consequences. And if the results are not the ones i desired, it is going to be a big mess. I suppose there is a thin line of difference between these sayings and it would probably be better if i follow that line. Don't know for sure .doubtful yet hopeful. ;-)

                                  Sharing some of these contradictory proverbs, in the hope of confusing you !! :P  ;-)

                           Out of Sight,Out of Mind :: Absence makes the heart grows fonder 

                           Try,Try,Try until you succeed :: Don't beat your head against a stone wall
  

                          All good things comes to those who wait :: Time and Tide waits for no man 

                                             Never judge a book by its cover :: Cloth makes the man

                          Above all, to thine own self be true :: When in Rome, do as Romans do

Kindness-Sharing is Caring !!

Kindness - Sharing is Caring  

                       To write about an act of kindness that inspired me should be actually easy ! Or that's what i thought , until i sat down to actually start writing on it .But nope, my mind drew up a blank as the clock went on with its tick-tock. It has been more than an hour since i opened the blank word document. And it was still blank. "Come on, it shouldn't be so difficult to remember a profound act of that cadre". It is not like i had never witnessed or experience kindness. But still i had no clue as to why my mind was clogged up and wouldn't let me remember. I felt that if i tried too hard  to remember and then wrote about it , it would definitely resemble a superficial one. So i gave up  and went to bed.

                          And just as i was about to drift off into my Neverland, my brain didn't fail me. It came up with the imagery. Yup I finally got one. It wasn't what i expected but it led me to think more deeply about kindness.

                          So what was the imagery? I am sure you would like to know . It  was of my  1.5 year old niece sharing her favorite snacks "Lays" with us. She always takes a bite , then takes turns to give  us a bite from the same chip . The first time she did it, i was surprised. For we had not asked her for the chips  or told her anything about sharing.  Then there was this incident, we were out  and we happened to pass by a cute black puppy . She stopped us and showed us the dog and said bikky , which means biscuit in her language :P. What she was trying to say is , that she wanted to feed biscuits to the puppy.  Awwwww !! Yup that was my reaction.

                            This led to another memory of my own. New city ,New school, first day  and already late. So i get to sit in last bench. I couldn't understand what was being said or taught and i was feeling down  and almost on the verge of tears,  when i hear a sound "psst". I turn around to check where exactly is the origin of sound and there it was again .  The girl sitting on the bench beside me, smiled at me and waved . She took a chocolate from her box and asked me whether i wanted to have it . I said no, but she broke it into half and leaned over and kept it on my hand . I smiled in return as we both secretly munched on the chocolate.  Nevertheless to say , I felt better. That was my first stint with friendship and kindness.

                             Kindness :  The act of being friendly,generous or considerate.  Kindness can be inculcated from childhood. Yes, but as people age such kindness require a constant and conscious effort from the individual to be implemented .  Sometimes when  people are caught up in their life , they stop making the effort. But blessed are the people who are kind by their inherent nature. And blessed are we to be present in their midst. For they don't require any effort to be kind. Just like a kid sharing his/her things with a sibling or friend.  And I wish  that the universe should always be blessed with  the presence of such people.

Lost and Found.

         She walked across and sat on the ledge, her legs dangling. Cool breeze wafted around her,unsuccessful in its attempt to deter her resolve.She knew that it was a crazy idea.But she had always been reckless.It was the final act aimed at deliverance of  the soul  from the darkness surrounding it. Just a flicker of light would be sufficient to vanquish the darkness.Her wait in the hope of discovering it had been unrewarding
    
         She was a brave soul,for she always swam against the tide. She held pride in the fact that she was never attached to anything or anyone.Nothing would faze her. And then the catastrophe struck.She fell in love with the guy.He wasn't perfect, but she felt he was the one.She couldn't stop herself from falling for him,even when she knew that her love will never be reciprocated.

         It was a blessing as well as a curse. She lost herself in thoughts, daydreaming about things that would never happen.It was pleasant at first, but then the pain crept in .Then came the darkness,changing her completely.She didn't acknowledge it, until the day she realized that she couldn't identify the person looking at her when she stood in front of the mirror.
             
       She resolved to let go of everything and be as she was before it happened. But it was easier said than done; for she realized that her thoughts were a tyrant and tried their best to enslave her once again.But she fought hard against her own mind and soul for their control.The battle was fierce and prolonged, but her perseverance paid off as the thoughts started to lose their foothold in her mind.

              And now,as she was sitting on the ledge, she contemplated on the experience that was awaiting her.
She had decided  her course of action to vanquish the remnant darkness by choosing to do the one  last thing in her bucket list .She took a deep breath and let out a joyful whoop as she leaped off the edge. She could hear her friends cheering her as they waited for their turn to bungee jump.She had found herself again.





   

Speak Up..We all need that one friend..

We all need that one friend..

 Sometimes, words are not enough to portray or convey the feelings or thoughts.And if we are not able to find a way to convey them, then there is no use in worrying about it.

It isn't fair to assume the reason behind one's actions or words. The problem is that,we just can't seem to muster our courage and talk about it.

Mostly because of the fear of being judged and laughed at. We  would rather  bury it within our minds and act as if life is peachy.But there is always a consequence.

As days pass, the burden will increase and reach a point where it will affect the very core of our life.All you need is one friend to share them.
He/She might even be a total stranger or a close friend.Only if we share our thoughts, we will know how it will be received.
It is silly to assume the reactions of other people and  worrying.But at the same time ,even if that friend reacts differently than expected, be ready to accept their views. Open up,share your thoughts and you will realize the burden to have vanished.Hope you find your friend. I have..

Dedicated to that friend of mine.

To Let Go

Precious as they were,

It was time;

Glorious they have been,

But eons ago;

Influential as they were,

Inert in a moment;

Magical as they felt,

Charms vanished;

Musical as they were,

Rhythm less they are;

To cure the affliction,

To feel alive,

To find peace,

To be upbeat,

Abdicate TheM,

Kiss TheM Goodbye

TheM: The Memories,

For the soul is tangled,

In their web;

Crushing it, as their burden,

Increased

The Beauty In You

Never seen a maiden so fairer,
they said, but i knew better,
as my eyes beheld my simulacre,
my heart opined, it's just exterior,
and it doesn't matter

Oh dear, why won't you approbate,
the beauty in you, they implored,
Oh yes I replied, am defined a beauty,
by my visage, nevertheless, holds
no value for me, with a soul,
so tarnished

As i walked down the aisle,
Ooh's and Aah's of the people,
awed by my mien's dazzle,
filled the hall of the bethel,
yet, my eyes fell,
only on the human male,
who had partly mended my soul,
for his words though were beautiful,
their reach was small,
his heart so admirable,
deserved an equal

In the days of your impending arrival,
oh boy, was i still skeptical,
But when i held you it was magical,
your innocent, toothless smile,
the sparkle of your eyes,
all the temper tantrums,
the puppy face, the mischievous look,
oh my dear, i realized, what a beauty,
a soul so full of life!

Millions of words, spoken about me,
the fair maiden, none can match
the single and most precious word,
that you uttered, completely healing,
my tarnished soul

It was the beauty in you, my darling,
that rendered me attractive,
in my own eyes, for my soul,
now complete, no more just a
fairer maiden, but the mother
of my precious gem, you, my child
and for that, am forever grateful to you.

CLUELESS

CLUELESS...

Sometimes, the word which will help us express ourselves clearly, goes out of reach. This happens either if its existence wasn’t given due attention for a long time, or over usage of the same, that it refuses to embrace us with its presence in our times of need. The gnawing at the back of our minds doesn’t stop unless we find the answer. It is a frustrating experience.

            And the frustration increases in multifold, if it is memories that are lost. At present, this is my predicament. 

            I am Anamika, or that is the name by which the doctors and nurses have addressed me. The only memories, I do have are of the seven days that I have been awake. Someone or something seems to have taken time to clear out my history of days, months and years earlier to that.

            I woke up screaming at the top of my voice as I felt the exploding pain in my head. Every sense of my body seemed to be on high alert, making the pain more effective. My vision blurred in and out, as I thrashed at the restraints holding me. I could hear a throaty voice giving orders and now there were several hands holding me in place. I felt a prick on my arm and minutes later, the pain eased away and I drifted into a dark cloud.

            After hours, I woke up to a man’s face peering at me. As I sat up startled, a pain shot up my arm and head and I winced. Immediately I felt strong hands helping me to lie back on the bed. As I lay, I tried to observe him. Sharp eyes, narrow jawline and stubble were all I could observe before his voice distracted me. I recognized his voice when he spoke. It was the same voice which I heard when I woke up last time, the one which gave orders.

            “Hi, I am Dr. Sunil, a neurosurgeon. How are you feeling?” said he.

            “Groggy” was all I could say. He smiled a little and said

“That is because of the sedative and the medicines. It is as expected. You need not worry about it. Any discomfort?”   

I pointed to the restraints holding me in place and said “Why am I being held?”

“That is just a safety precaution, so that you don’t end hurting yourself. I will ask the nurse to take it off. Anything else?”  

As I shook my head as a reply, I had a dizzy spell for a moment and I heard him say “You have undergone a brain surgery, so try not to move your head suddenly.” 

“I had a brain surgery done on me?”  I stared at him in confusion “What exactly happened to me?”

“Well there are some things we would like to know too. Are you tired or feeling alright so that we can continue this talk?”  Confusion and curiosity overcame my tiredness and I gave my assent for the conversation to go on. 

“You were brought in an unconscious state, by a cab driver and you had suffered a severe head trauma which required immediate attention. But he couldn’t shed light on how you came by this injury. The police officials were intimated as per the formalities and they have been trying to identify your family so as to notify them. But they have got no leads and the puzzling thing is, none of the missing complaints matches your profile. The inspector, who is investigating your case, has been here daily to check on your status. He might be coming today also.” He looked at his watch and continued,

“I have explained him already that you are in no state for questioning. But he had requested me to have a conversation with you and find out, as he felt it might not be as stressful as it will be for you when he does the inquiry and I concur with him. So would you like to tell me about you?”

            That’s when the wheels in my mind started turning but it didn’t do any good for it hit an obstacle. I couldn’t remember anything. My face should have been all scrunched I guess, for I heard the doctor say  

“Easy now, you don’t have to strain too much. Let’s start with something easy. Since you know my name, it is only fair that I should know yours too. So will you tell me your name?”

And so I urged my mind to remember till my head started hurting, but the result was the same. I didn’t even know my name and as the truth sunk in; I started to hyperventilate and had to be sedated.

So, it has been seven days since I am trying to recollect my memories, but failing admirably. Everyday Dr. Sunil and his colleagues take on different approaches in helping me. Even the inspector tried to help but nothing seems to be working. The doctors and nurses started addressing me as Anamika and when I asked Dr. Sunil about the name choice, he said that in US they used to address unidentified patient as Jane Doe and since it is not used in India, the staff came up with this name. 

With every idle minute that passes, I feel lonely. Solitude can be a solace when one has the memory of moments spent as their companion. But when no memories are there, one can only despair in the solitude.

A year and two months later…

        It has been a little more than a year since I woke up in the Critical Care Unit of the City Hospital. Days passed, then morphed into months which has now transformed into a year. I am still clueless about my past like I was then. Somewhere along the lane, I stopped trying to remember. I didn’t want to waste my life trying to remember the past lest my future too would slip away. 

            Fate plays tricks on us many a times .It tricked me too. What seemed like a cruel one then, might have been its way to help me out .I might be clueless as to who I was in the past. But now, I certainly do know who I am. I am Anamika, a survivor.